Get it. Got it? Go.

I’ve recently taken on another show on telly, thanks to the wonders of Netflix Instant Stream.

Breaking Bad.

This show is incredible. Well, I was watching an episode this morning in which a minor character recites this poem:

When I heard the learn’d astronomer,

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,

When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,

Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

 - Walt Whitman, 1900.

I love this poem because it speaks a truth about life. We can spend it in classrooms and lectures learning from the experts in the field, but nothing beats just going and experiencing whatever it is firsthand. This hits hard with me because I would go to school for the rest of my life if I could.

After having some awesome conversations about life with friends last night/this morning, I realize that I just need to do some things instead of sitting on them because of fear. This project that I want to do so badly. The only thing that’s really holding me back is myself. I’ve got so much going for this. And I just need to do it.

If you’re like me and you’ve got something (or a bunch of things) on the back burner, then forget your fear and whatever else is holding you back and just do it.

Get it.
Got it?

Now go.

 - j

Daily Prompt: The Glass

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?

Half-full. Even more so. Perhaps overflowing. Life is grand. Everything isn’t perfect by any means, but that doesn’t mean that I am not happy with life. Doesn’t mean that my outlook is negative.

Right now, I’m battling some inner demons. You know, that voice that tells you that you can’t do what you’ve set out to do. The voice that tells you that there are better people suited for what you’re doing. The voice that tries to tear down any evidence of self-confidence. Ugh, it’s such a struggle sometimes to deal with that voice.

I’ve been having nightmares lately. Not the chainsaw-wielding serial killer nightmares, but the epic failure nightmares. Failure is my top fear, and I often scrutinize my actions over and over and over. Right now, I’m facing a lot of what I’m not used to. It’s not easy. But all of it is a challenge. A challenge that I’m more than willing to take on.

I just need to shut that negative voice up when I’m in the thick of it.

 - j

Daily Prompt: The Glass

To The Theatre

I’m so glad that my schedule is crazy flexible. It gives me time to do things that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, like visit local coffee shops (a new favourite activity).

Yesterday, I went to a play. It’s been ages since I’ve been to a play that I didn’t produce. It was a musical – Hairspray. Now, mind you, I am not a musical theatre person. There are people who eat up musicals like candy, and then there are people like me who are mostly indifferent / leaning toward dislike. Betcha can’t guess my favourite musical? Go ahead and guess.

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Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. One of the darkest musicals out there. But I love it. And I will say that the movie version with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter was good, but it doesn’t compare to the George Hearn / Angela Lansbury Broadway cast.

Anyways, I went to a local high school to see a former student in Hairspray. I’d never seen the musical or the movie, so I didn’t really know what to expect. The show was incredible! I was laughing so much, which appreciating the deep message it offered.

Seeing the musical made me yearn for the theatre. I miss it so much. If I were to pursue a career in entertainment / theatre, I would be a director. There’s nothing like seeing a cast grow before your eyes. Yes, a director molds and shapes them, but it’s the raw talent that a cast brings that makes it magical. Seeing and hearing how actors interpret their characters. Getting to see the final product – set, costumes, lights, sounds, etc. So good.

I miss improv too. I need to take some classes soon.

Even though I will not be pursuing a career in theatre, my theatre degree has taught me so much that is applicable to many situations in life. I tell that to anyone who says that I threw away my college career with a theatre degree. Not quite, my friend. There are times when I wished I’d chosen a different major (or two), but I am very grateful for the experiences that I had in the theatre department.

- j

Quelle Horreur!

I nearly died today. I overheard a French teacher teaching her class today. Et elle parle français comme une américaine! I shed a few tears inside.

I am thankful that I had French teachers / professeurs who, though not native to France, spoke French with French accents. I think that the accent is part of the language and culture. Imagine learning English and not being informed of the way that native speakers sound. Sure, you can retain your own accent when speaking another language, but I think that it shows native speakers / teachers that you are putting forth effort when you also try to adopt the accent. With the language comes the culture, and the accent is part of that culture, in my opinion.

Je n’ai jamais visité France. Yet, I’ve been told that my French  accent is very good. All thanks go to my excellent teachers and professors. I guess it helps that I have a penchant for accents and often launch into different ones without warning.

Throughout learning German, I work on my German accent (LOL NMUN) and I really try to sound genuine. Sometimes it’s difficult because German has some sounds that I’m not used to, but with practice and time, I’ll get there. Plus, I really like how the German accent sounds.

It saddens me that there are students who learn a language and are never encouraged to adopt the accent. Some of these students go on to become teachers of the language, and don’t put any emphasis on developing an accent. With my students, I stress French pronunciation a lot. Maybe too much. And they joke about it with me, pronouncing things incorrectly on purpose. But at least I know that I took the time to go through proper pronunciation,  diction, and emphasis. One time, a student of mine commented that he just sounded like an American speaking French. I told him that, as a beginning student, that’s okay…but as you progress in the language, you should make an effort to actually sound French.

I am really resisting the urge to launch into a mini-lesson about phonetics. Good thing I don’t have a IPA keyboard. If such a thing exists, I want it. I knew my Voice, Diction & Dialect class was good for something…

…and that’s my teacher moment for the day.

- j

Continuing Growth

When I look back at who I was at the end of last year and compare that to who I am today, I am completely amazed by the growth and change I’ve undergone. I am by no means “done” with growing…I’ve just grown a lot in the past couple of months.

Case and point:

Remember when I said that I had three jobs? Well, I’ve lost two jobs in the past four months. Sort of. One of the jobs was severely reduced (I mention it in that blog post.) And the other one ended on Sunday. I got the news about losing that job just a little over a week before operations ceased.

Usually, I’d freak out. Full-blown panic attacks and racing thoughts.

I had one day, which I dubbed Murphy’s Law Monday, this week where I was really down about the situation. But deep down, I knew that everything would be okay.

First and foremost, I have God to thank for that. He is the only One who gives me such deep and unshakeable reassurance and joy. I thank my husband for always being there and tirelessly reminding me that everything is alright. I thank my counselor for pushing me past my comfort zone to let my deep emotional wounds heal. I thank my close friends and family for being supportive and encouraging during this time.

Regardless of what my current situation is, I am excited about the future. I’m preparing to apply for graduate school (!!!), working on my documentary (slowly, but surely), and working on a number of other things here and there. Regardless of what brings in the money, I am actually happy right now. I’m not excited about looking for another job in a few months, but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Life is grand. Even if it doesn’t seem that way on the surface.

Thankful. Eternally grateful. Happy. Excited. Expectant.

- j

P.S – If you are in my boat – essentially jobless – just remember that your worth is not defined by a job or money or lack thereof. You can and will make it through this. Times are tough, but a soldier’s battle readiness is only truly tested in battle. You never know what you’re capable of until you’re put to the test. There are brighter days ahead.

Daily Prompt: Million-Dollar Question

Why do you blog?

I blog because I love writing. I’ve loved writing ever since I can remember. This love of writing blew up my junior of high school when I took a Psychology class. We had an assignment to keep a journal of sorts. And I never stopped journaling after that.

When blogs became popular, I did them all: Xanga, DeadJournal, notes on Facebook, entries on Myspace, Tumblr. And now I’m here at WordPress.

In addition to my blog, I keep a journal. I enjoy the act of writing.

Writing is how I best express myself. I will write until I can write no more.

 - j

Warm Weather, Curly Hair, and Self-Acceptance

I’ve had a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with my hair for as long as I can remember.

My hair doesn’t fit neatly into any category. In its natural state, it’s large and curly / frizzy. In the spring / summer, I leave it curly. In the autumn / winter, I straighten it.

When I was younger, all I wanted was straight hair. I hated that I (felt like I) couldn’t wear my hair out without it being a massive, curly, frizzy mess. That, and I didn’t want to get made fun of by my classmates. In Year 3 in England, my class would go to the pool every Thursday for swim lessons. My mum bought me a swim cap to use, but I chose not to use it most days because it meant that my hair would get wet and would look better than it did when it was dry.

In eighth grade, my mum took me to the hairdresser for my first relaxer aka the creamy crack. In a few hours, I had straight hair. It was a miracle. And I kept using relaxers on my hair up until I graduated college.

I stopped partially because it is expensive to get relaxers every 3-4 months. And I realized that I didn’t really need it. I spent a summer at a summer camp as a counselor and my hair was curly all summer. And guess what? I loved it. My hair was so low maintenance. I didn’t have to worry about it getting frizzy when it rained or was humid outside. It looked great any way that I styled it.

Self-acceptance. I could’ve relaxed my hair till it fell out of my head, but I chose not to. Instead, I chose to accept my hair the way it is. Yes, I straighten it half the year, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to walk around in cold weather with wet hair. Now that it’s warm, I’m enjoying my crazy curly hair.

I’m no longer ashamed of it.
I’m proud of it.

- j

Finish each day…

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

 - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I really needed this today, as today hasn’t been the greatest of days.

NMUN.

I have had the incredible opportunity to serve on the volunteer staff of NMUN-NY twice now. And each time has been a great experience.

There’s nothing like it. 50+ people gathered from all over the world to work together for a week to simulate the United Nations for 5000+ students. It’s pretty much the greatest thing ever. There are times when it feels like we’ve been there for a month…other times, three days. Lots of work, little sleep, and lots of fun to be had in between. There really is nothing like it.

I know I’ve made some lasting friendships from both conferences. And I intend to keep adding to them as the years go on. It’s crazy how close one can get to other people in a few days’ time. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

As glad as I am to be home and sleeping for healthy amounts of time, I do miss my NMUN family. They are all quality people who each bring something different to the table. But somehow, we’re all pretty chill, down-to-earth-with-a-dash-of-sarcasm people.

When I was a delegate, the experience changed my life. Seriously. I couldn’t shake the feeling of accomplishment after leaving the conference. I loved every second of it – from country research to position paper revisions to the actual conference. To be on the other side of the conference is a privilege that I hold dear. NMUN is still changing my life.

To any of you NMUNers that are reading this, know that I think, nay, know that you’re super awesome.

- j

Merci :)

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who follow my blog, and those of you who have told me in various conversations that you were “creeping” on my blog and enjoyed what you read.

It’s a humbling thing to hear – that people enjoy what I write.

Writing is a passion of mine and I will continue to share it with whoever will read…

Many thanks again

 - j